Let’s see, in 2004, I was laid off from my job in Research Triangle Park, NC. The economy had been tanking and the company I was with was not doing so well. Neither was I! LOL But I did not know how much I was not doing so well. As it turned out, the weakness and the constant fatigue and the never ending pain were not what the first doctor said. After a run to the emergency room and after several days in a hospital bed, a doctor I met once won the short straw to tell me that I have “lymphoma”.
The world slowed down a lot in a nanosecond while this word ran some loops in my head. Eventually the running stopped and I said, “That’s cancer”. And so it was.
Then the words chemotherapy and surgery and radiation were thrown around a lot along with tests at all hours of the day and night. Some of them were not much fun. If anyone asks you if they can take bone marrow out of your hips, just tell them not today. And walk quickly away. LOL
After one cycle in the hospital, I was released and became an outpatient. When the doctor talked to me about chemo, I thought I listened very hard. I did not listen close enough. I just did not hear everything I learned later that I needed to hear. I was much unprepared for my first outpatient cycle. It did not go well.
But eventually they all ended. There were five outpatient cycles and 17 radiation cycles. Surgery was not an option because the tumor was too big. I have been cancer free for almost 4 years now YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! LOL
I had a cocktail of chemicals and medicines called “R-CHOP”. That is the first initial of all of the drugs and chemicals used in the therapy. Little did I know that one of them could have a very unpleasant side effect called Peripheral Neuropathy (aka PN). I had it in my hands and my feet. It started out as just numbness. When I would see the oncologist, they would see if I could button my shirt. It was not easy but I was able to do it and eventually it left my hands and they returned to normal. My feet won’t do that.
They are numb while they are on fire, while they get THE MOST interesting electrical shocks you ever could imagine, there are pins and needles and there are these sudden sharp pains that always seem to surprise. And I take a powerful pain medication 3-5 times a day.
Nights are tough. Sometimes I am up and down all night. Sometimes I sleep through the night. Mostly I don’t. My feet LOVE cold water. Cold water really helps with the pain. Why would there be numbness and pain at the same time? Well, I can’t say exactly except to say that the nerves and the brain can play funny — and, not so funny — tricks on each other.
The medication that I take was developed as an anti-seizure medication. It’s pretty strong stuff and I can only have it renewed for 6 months at a time because it’s highly regulated. I have run out a few times and boy did that suck. I don’t like taking such a highly intrusive drug but it works for now. I also don’t run out of it anymore. LOL Lesson learned! LOL
It leaves me feeling wasted a lot of the time, though. I also don’t think as clearly as I once did. I can look at something for a few minutes that I had just done before I recognize it. That could also be because of my age and or because of the chemo. There is something called “chemo brain”. And I do display symptoms of that.
I have a hard time walking. LOL I used to fall over sometimes. Fall up stairs. Fall down stairs. Fall stepping up a curb. I don’t fall much anymore. I have learned to stay focused on the path in front of me. If I turn to the side, I feel like I will fall over. If I close my eyes, I begin to fall over. I stagger. I can’t walk a straight line. Sometimes I am pushing myself away from the wall because I have started to walk into it. I had one job, where I was up a 14 foot ladder pulling cable. A rickety wooden ladder. What a stupid thing that was to do.
You see, the brain does not know where I am because the feet are not communicating with it. One of those silly games the feet play on the brain.
I have found that the numbness is traveling up my left leg. We’ll see where that goes. Yeh, I know, UP. LOL
But like anything else and like many others, I have learned to live with it. There are many types of PN. As painful as mine can be, I am in awe of what others go through and how they not only survive but live their lives. God bless them, every single one.
So there you have it. There is more, of course; isn’t there always? LOL
I hope my story has been helpful for you. Maybe you have learned about those “tingling” sensations that are lots more than just “tingling” sensations. Or maybe about that numbness you just can’t figure out.
This is also called “Diabetic Foot”. And diabetes is a cause of it. We don’t know all the causes. Sometimes, it just shows up uninvited and unwelcome. If anything I have described sounds even vaguely familiar, get yourself to a doctor and soon. You will need to see a neurologist and they will probably need to run some tests that won’t be much fun. But it is so important to get this handled.
Footnotes on Peripheral Neuropathy 